Dating back to those olden days, women are considered temporary property of their own birth families in certain countries and they are viewed as passerbys in the families.
The family awaits the day that their daughter is matched to a good suitor who will marry her and care for her until the day of her death, whereby the father will be fully released from his responsibilities for the girl.
At the same time, the family will also receive a monetary amount known as dowry for the hand of their daughter in marriage. This serves as some form of compensation for and as a token of gratitude for the upbringing of the daughter in preparing her for marriage.
This will then lead to the daughter being considered as part of the husband's family and shall no longer be under the family tree of her own birth.
It is a rather funny and yet depressing situation as this has distorted the whole image of having a daughter as your child, whom they view as being on the losing end - you raise her up on your own expense and to give her up to someone else (to take their surname).
It is rather baffling, really, why they ended up with such a mentality when they were related in blood.
Due to this culture and practice as well, most of the families rejoice when a son is born to them while they hang their heads low in shame when they found that they have a newborn daughter.
Daughters will be deprived of all the important essences in life; such as education, nurturing as they are deemed a loss to the family, whereas sons will be regarded with respect and importance for being the heir who will be succeeding the lead in the family.
Women back then was really lowly regarded in their status in the society.
In fact, due to their low status as well, they constantly had to tolerate insults and disrespect from people of all levels and they are not even allowed to say a word; which would be deemed as disrespect to the elders.
When they are married, they had to enter a whole new world with their life partner and this, usually ends with the husband's family whom they will have to spend the rest of their lives with as well.
The family of her husband are known as her in-laws and she will then have to display her proper manners and etiquette taught upon her by her own parents since young to impress her new set of parents in her new home.
During those days, daughters-in-law were supposed to be obedient and are not allowed to say a word to their in-laws; to avoid any issue of disrespect.
However, today, it is totally a different perspective as women start to regain their sense of freedom and independence, and they realize their rights in protecting themselves.
(Picture taken from movie 'Monster-in-Law')
Inevitably, when you pull two people of different background and generation together, you will not be hitting it right in bull's eye that it will be a perfect fit.
Disagreements happen and there is almost no right or wrong in everything, as both parties argue their way through.
Seriously, it actually puts you to the perspective to think, why is this actually happening?
Why are mother-in-laws making your life miserable?
Aren't they women like us, having been daughters and daughter-in-laws before?
Why can't they understand the situation we are going through?
The simple reason is the differences.
What differences, you may ask?
Take for example, if you put a dog and a cat together in a room, will they fight?
Rotate the situation a little, take the same dog and cat but they were sleeping in the same basket since they were born and as the owner, you have always brought them together on every activity.
Do you think they will fight when they are in the same room?
Highly unlikely in the second scenario compared to the first, right?
This is due to the conditioning and the environmental factor.
A dog is a dog; and the same applies to a cat.
You can never make a dog become a cat nor vice versa; and even if you do, it is still a dog.
Same concept; the differences in age gap and the upbringing environment is the key element here and it applies not just in this situation.
Let's put ourselves in the situation that we are newly married...
The woman who is important in your husband-to-be's life happens to be the last person you want to share your bathroom, let alone your secrets with.
Yet, you know if you were to whine and pine, you will leave your husband with a headache or worse still, his frustrations that you were making his life miserable.
To you, as a new addition to the family, you find everything in the household rather strange and unfamiliar to you. Everyone is a new face and every corner is a mystery to you.
You haven't even know the way to the bathroom yet or which switch is for the kitchen.
You tried to adapt to your new living environment; you were cautious to observe the way they do things around and at the same time, you incorporate a little of your own routine habit into the way you want to get your things done (cooking, laundry, housekeeping, etc) and BAM!
MIL comes in and tell you, no no, this is not the way to do it right.
You listen
She comes in the next time and the next and the next, and tells you HER way of doing it right.
You start to feel agitated, what's with her and her right way of doing things?
Are all your ways wrong? Have your own mother taught you nothing?
You can probably bear with it, but then you realize that most of the things you do seem to be wrong, or plain simple, nothing seems to be ever right!
You start to feel tired of pleasing and you want to tell your husband but yet, you're worried about creating unnecessary stress unto him and in the end, you bore all the stress yourself.
Until one fine day, you burst out during an argument that you hated the sight of his mother and he was just plain shocked and in anger, he accused of being disrespectful and inconsiderate.
Sounds familiar?
I think this is only one of the permutated examples that I am painting when in fact, there is so many misunderstanding out there; and they usually occurs between the mother and the daughter-in-law.
This gave them a reason to say that women are often trouble-makers!
Anyway, it is a matter of consideration and tolerance, as nobody can always be right; neither can one always be wrong.
Seniority is not a solution to an issue; understanding and patience needs to play their roles.
The best solution is always to opt for a harmonious surrounding; it is always good to be independent.
Once you are married, if you can afford it, staying in a separate environment can help to cultivate that loving feeling among the couple; not to mention privacy and at the same time, avoid conflicts among the family members.
When you are distant from your close and loved ones, you tend to have a better relationship as they often looked forward to meeting/catching up on all the good old times when everyone is around, no time for an argument anymore.
Furthermore, didn't they once say, 'Absence makes the hearts grow fonder?'
Let me know your thoughts on this, I sensed more sequels to this topic:)
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