We often hear of marriages, relationships with happy endings, but flipping to the other side of the coin, there are those which do not end with the desired fairytale ending.
I have friends who have broken up with their boyfriends or almost-fiances and struggling to return to their original path of singledom.
It is hard, I know, when you have been together for so long with a person whom you may already viewed him more than a boyfriend but rather, a lifetime soulmate only to realize that it was just an illusion when the mirror just broke before your very eyes and your dream of a perfect ending has gone down the drain.
Jane, 29, broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years when they started to discuss about marriage.
They were planning to get married earlier but when they sat down to work out the details, arguments pursued and she realized that he was not the man she thought she knew. In fact, his true colors turned out to be so ugly that she announced that she wanted to end the relationship immediately even though it was a very difficult decision, and the memories of such a long relationship will plague her mind.
She cried herself to sleep every night, but she knew it was the right thing to do, and she told herself and us, her friends, that it was better to know about his true character rather than find out when they are already married with children.
It took her a while to get over him, and of course, she is now better and she enjoys her freedom so much and has regained her own identity, compared to when she was in a relationship where her boyfriend nagged her about managing her finances and her lifestyle.
Sure enough, she is a happier person today but she does admit that she still feels the pinch in her heart when she hears about engagements, marriages, etc.
Linda, 29, was also heading towards the aisle when she broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. It was a mysterious affair as none of her friends knew about it, only that she transformed from her former self to a more adventurous and partying girl. It surprised all the friends when she even performed a double eye lid operation which gave a dramatic change in her appearance. She has also started talking about how it was better to remain single compared to being in a relationship; which passed off as hints to all her friends of her break up.
May, 24, was happily in a relationship with a rich and charming young man whom she adored and grooved about in her Facebook and blogs, professing her undying love for him almost every other day. She was really happy and proud of him and was looking forward to a long relationship after her past 3-4 relationships. They were together for more than 3 years; which set the record after her past relationships and they have gone traveling together and appeared inseparable in front of all their friends.
Six months ago, they broke up, and it was a discreet affair as the duo just untagged themselves from each other's relationship status and stopped all the swooning and messages on Facebook and blogs and that was how people started to find out about them breaking up. May acted normal in front of everyone, but she has started with all her status messages on Facebook and blogs on how it was much better to be single, and how it is always tough to make decisions.
Carrie, 35, then 28, ended her marriage with her husband when she found out about his affair with another woman. It was a devastating decision from her side at that time as she had two children to tend to and she was still in the days where it was all about fun and enjoying life to the fullest. She had to fend for herself, and also her young children, aged 6 and 3. She still chose to end the marriage and moved back to stay with her own mother and family, and found different odd jobs to support herself and her children. It was really a tumultous road at that time as she was not a highly educated person and only had her Form 3 certification and also no prior working experience (her ex-husband was a rich businessman who financed all her luxurious spendings) and she was discriminated against by most of the people around her. She gritted her teeth and moved on, and despite the conservative talks and stares behind her back, she ignored them and stood tall, for the sake of her children.
All these are just simple examples of marriage and relationship failures; and the not-so-successful stories.
It is never easy to deal with the reality; especially when your partner turned out to be someone you never imagined, as in Jane's case, or your partner cheated on you, as in Carrie's case.
Sometimes, you may not even know what happened, but it just ended, like Linda and May's case.
However, what is most important on the way back to singledom is how each and every one of us cope with the reality.
For instance, take Jane and Carrie for example, they chose to face it with courage and not shy away from friends and relatives. They have decided to make that decision and they will stick to their decision, at all costs.
They are scared and yet they were ready to face the criticsms and perceptions by the public and even their own relatives, because they believed in their own decision which was right. At the same time, they do not want to indulge or invest in a relationship which they knew was going nowhere since they could no longer trust that particular person whom they called a partner.
No one is perfect, as we have all learnt, in one way or another and it does not take a moment to wipe off a long trail of lovely memories we used to share with a special someone.
However, when things come to an end and we are back to being alone, we have to learn to get a grip on ourselves and tell us that we deserve better.
It is always easier said than done but the first step must be made somehow, no matter how much effort it takes.
In this crazy world, wounds need to heal and life needs to go on.
We don't own our lives to only that particular person whom we thought the world of, as look around us, there are others who thought the world of us as well.
Before that person made an appearance in our life, who were our world?
Think of your loved ones, and you will find it motivates you to live, for them =)
Old-fashioned as it may be, sometimes, time really does the trick so, just let time and nature takes it course and in the meantime, take pride that you have made a wise decision and that you will be a strong person in no time.
We all have it in us, a hero who lives within, we only need to unleash the hero =)
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